Thoughts and Nora Ephron's I Feel Bad About My Neck
If you signed up for this substack ages ago, hey hi hello, I'm finally here with some random and not-so-random thoughts!!!
I’ve just finished Nora Ephron’s "I Feel Bad About My Neck," and I am inspired. I was introduced to Nora Ephron through an HBO documentary called "Everything is Copy" when I was in high school. It was a huge deal when my mom and I got HBO. My sister Anna, who’s the oldest sibling in my family, had been to college and introduced us all to HBO through "Curb Your Enthusiasm."
One of the first times we visited Anna in Knoxville, we sat in her apartment, which was so cute it could have been the set of a Tennessee version of "Girls," and she showed us season 8 episode ten—an episode where Larry David has a new girlfriend and buys her flamboyant son a sewing machine. This is mostly off-topic, but I want to bring it up because I always wonder how I, as a girl from a smallish town in Tennessee, became introduced to writers and thinkers like Nora Ephron. The timeline goes like this:
Mom and I living at home alone, we visit my sister Anna, Anna introduces my mom and me to "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "Game Of Thrones," my mom and I go back home and get HBO (a huge splurge for us as my mom NEVER wants to buy subscriptions—example: after years of begging, I got a subscription to Club Penguin for Christmas one year, and I still remember typing her credit card into the computer like it was some kind of code for experiencing True Bliss).
But anyway, I stumbled upon "Everything is Copy," and probably clicked on it because I liked Nora Ephron’s haircut. At sixteen, I idolized and immediately trusted any woman with a short haircut.
After that, I went to college, and I didn’t think much about women like Nora. I joined a sorority. I drank a lot. I jumped between friend groups and could never totally settle. I was an absolute disaster for men—constantly chasing someone in a fraternity with a red Solo cup of Jungle Juice in my hand, and if I wasn’t chasing someone, I was being chased by a very nice boy that I (still to this day) wish I had given more time and appreciation.
But, there’s no going back and changing that now.
Nora, in her book "I Feel Bad About My Neck" and in all of her works, talks about the most important things—she calls them out on page (ugh, I rented this book from the library, so I don’t have this marked, hold on) okay, got it—on page 119, she references the book "The Golden Notebook," which Nora says is about, “friendship, love, sex, politics, psychoanalysis, writing,” and I, similarly to Nora, always find myself thinking about something in these worlds—throw in spirituality and a little self-loathing, and you’ve got the entire makeup of my brain.
Over the last few months, I’ve been trying to decentralize men, sex, and romance, and it’s proven to be way more difficult than I ever imagined. You can read about my lack of sex life, even, in the NYTimes.
I started this boysober journey in October, ending all situationships, deleting every dating app, and finally letting go of a man that was the most kind, caring, compassionate, and loving person that I will probably ever have the honor of loving and being loved by (more on this in a different letter).
I haven’t known how to talk about what’s going on in my life because the internet feels pretty scary at this moment, and I’m sharing parts of my life that are deeply personal.
I’m also keenly aware that taking up too much space on the internet about what’s going on in my mostly privileged single life of living in Brooklyn, kind of living a modern-day "Sex and The City" (just with less sex, more internet, and a looming election that could change the state of our country forever), my love life and my lessons on love don’t feel like they are what should be taking up too much space right now.
On October 6th 2024, I posted this video on TikTok—promising to the internet I was going to lead an online course/forum on breaking away from male validation, but then, on October 8th 2024, I was sitting in church with my Mimi (which you can see here), when the Fire and Brimstone preacher that I think Hates Me Because I’m A Young Progressive Woman brought up Hamas and Israel.
I was (kind of) dating a guy at the time who was extremely Pro-Israel (I was literally dating so many people before going boysober it will take an entire newsletter to explain it all) and my best friend at the time subscribed to a similar ideology as this guy, and, not to make this international devastation about me, I froze.
I had empathy for both of them. I loved her, and I liked him, and I heard devastation and fear and anger in their voices, and I wanted to be there for them and understand and console.
But I was also keenly aware of how much I Did Not Know on this issue, and as a person who tries her best to be conscious of human rights and violations on said human rights (studied social work, joined the Peace Corps, etc.), I didn’t feel like I could use my platform to talk about this, yet.
But I also did not want to keep talking about myself and my love life and my addiction to attention from men while this horrific moment was happening across the world. If I had keep on keeping on, talking about what I had promised to do on October 6th, felt extremely disrespectful? Privileged? Annoying? Selfish?
But I felt so conflicted, because when something would happen in the world of abortion, of anti-LGBT agenda in the United States, I have never shied away from talking about it. Examples: The first time I was ever called a feminazi I was a junior in high school, and the first time anyone ever whispered at a party that I was a Democrat, like it was a Bad Word or Top Secret or Both, it was 2016, and I was a sophomore in college.
But this was an issue I didn’t know enough about, and it was so hot to touch. I had friends in one ear, and I could hear their hurt, but I also knew that, when the preacher at Mimi’s church that I Don’t See Eye To Eye With shouted in support for Israel during the sermon in this tiny, rural, evangelical church, I knew that I was not in alignment with him or his beliefs, either.
I knew I had a lot of untangling to do, and I know that I still do, though it is blatantly clear (today) that Israel has done what no one believed could be done at a time like this.
Israel has done to the Palestinians what we’ve all read about in history books like it could never happen again. Today is April 3rd, 2024, and just yesterday Israel bombed and killed 7 Central World Kitchen aid workers—just one more sickening, devastating, and barbaric act in this long run of war crimes committed by Israel.
It is not the untangling of who is the villain in this story that I have to do, but how do I call in people that I love who do not agree with me or see it this way, and the untangling of Should I Even Be Doing That with people who cannot see this clear act of modern genocide, funded by the American government.
It feels helpless and hopeless, and bizarrely, as I scroll through seeing the death of so many innocent, brave, people on my iPhone, my life in New York goes on. I still have to pay rent? I still have to act like things are kind of normal? I don’t know. I’m sorry I don’t have more resolve here on this, and I don’t mean to quickly rush passed it, but I do resonate so much with what Ramy said in his SNL monologue, really all we can do is pray— pray that our politicians will listen to us, pray that people will see this issue clearly, pray for the families and friends that have lost so much, pray for the starving, pray that when November comes around a miracle will happen and the American public will be given any kind of option that doesn’t involve a reality TV star turned president turned criminal, or a perpetrator and facilitator of war crimes and genocide.
Wow. I’m really off-topic here (so so sorry I’ve had a so much on my mind). I’m talking about Nora Ephron’s "I Feel Bad About My Neck."
All this to say, Nora has inspired me. I can’t quite take to TikTok like I used to and share my thoughts and feelings because they are (though I despise this word) nuanced and deeply personal, and TikTok, as an app, is not the most forgiving— which I do not think is necessarily a bad thing.
So, I will be turning this Substack into a weekly routine (hopefully). I don’t know how often I will write—for now, the goal is once a week, but I might disappoint you. It will be a place for me to put thoughts and feelings and stories that don’t feel so ready for Big Internet (aka tinktonk), and I will give you a few recommendations here at the bottom—songs I can’t stop listening to, podcasts that have changed my brain chemistry recently, books, restaurants I want to try, articles I’ve loved, etc.
If you have any questions for me, email me at hopewoodard01@gmail.com. That’s my personal email. One man sent me an email literally last night that said, “I would pay you money for you to blow cigarette smoke in my face,” though I am flattered, I probably will not ever respond to emails like this, but if you want to pour your heart out, ask questions, or send me any recommendations back, I will cherish them.
Okay. I’m feeling inspired today, I hope you are too.
Here are my recs:
Listen to the songs "Flicks" and "It’s Good To Be In Love" by Frou From today. They’ll both make you feel like you’re in an indie rom-com.
I watched this doc about Alex Jones this week and started this show about a rehab facility turned cult that was AMAZING. A great look at group mentality and how men with power get sooooo out of hand.
Please do read "I Feel Bad About My Neck" by Nora. She has one line about an old friend being her, ‘best friend, extra-sister, true mother, sometimes daughter’ that is really sticking with me. This book perfectly sums up so much about being a woman and will forever be in my top five favorite books now.
Lastly, I’m currently in a clown class right now, and our homework is to notice six sweet things a day—examples could include (these are some things I’ve noticed) two friends lighting each other’s cigarettes from underneath separate umbrellas, young high school love on the subway where a gf has her legs draped over her bf’s lap while they take the A train back to Brooklyn, golden doodles in yellow rain jackets, etc.
Okay, that’s all from me for now. Good luck out there today!! Make us proud!! I’ll be back soon with more thoughts and feelings. x